05.05.2015

Dissociation.

I tend to forget to live in the moment. I’m in the time of my life I’ve always looked forward to, but I walk through it without ever taking a minute to appreciate the beauty surrounding me.

I feel like I’m walking through a dark, unlit hallway. The only light comes off the infinitely long screens along the walls, playing all the moments in my life. On my right hand side, the screen is playing all the happy, euphoric events in my life. Laughter, love, friendship, joy. On my left hand side, the screen plays all the dark memories and moments in my life. Pain, sorrow, heartbreak, fear, loss.

In front of my is nothing but black, I see no light at the end of the tunnel as I know it is too far away. The tunnel seems to go on forever.

I keep on walking through, refusing to look at the screens surrounding me, as the dark side is too dark. When I look at the bright side, I know the dark side is right behind me, so I choose not to look at all. I just keep walking to my next destination.

5 years ago, I was walking to where I am now. Now I am walking to where I will be in another 5 years. At no point have I stopped, looked around and accepted that I am at a destination. One day I will look back at this hallway I wish I looked at the walls along the way.

But I’ve just walked through. Dissociated. 

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