I feel like for the first time in my life I am free to make a decision for myself to do what makes me happy.
This however, is completely false, as I have always had this freedom – I just chose not to believe it. I have never been in a position where I had to do something I didn’t want to do for a living, but I have always felt like I had to. In order to please those around me, make my family proud, and feel successful, I have always decided to believe that I had to work jobs that didn’t bring me joy.
This was never true though, and deep down I’ve known that – but the truth is, it was easier to believe that I couldn’t do what I wanted than to try to figure out what I really wanted.
Right now – in this moment – I have been reassured by absolutely everyone who’s support I’ve wanted, that I can do whatever it is that makes me happy. Which seems great, but the problem is: I don’t know what that is.
I finally feel like I have the support to reach for any dream I can fathom, I have the strength to achieve any goal I can imagine, I have the resources to take my time getting there – but I don’t know which dream to dream, which goal to set, or where to go.
What I think I need to remember right now, is that not everything requires immediate action – which is a philosophy completely against my standard beliefs and way of living. I am type A, the kind of girl who works hard all. the. time. to get what I want, to get where I’m going, and it’s gotten me far – far enough, I’d say, where I deserve to take a moment to just.. do nothing. I have faith that I will find my calling, but maybe I just can’t force this like I can with other aspects of my life. Maybe this time, constant hard work and constant action is not going to get me where I need to be. Maybe just this once I should allow the universe to guide me.